Tension and Embarrassment

I went to the doctor’s yesterday because I was getting frequent headaches. I do get migraines, but I thought these headaches were because of my sinuses – I get allergies and infected sinuses on occasion.

My doctor checked me over, and she thinks I’m getting tension headaches and we’ve increased my migraine meds.

My first reaction was WHAT tension? I was about to hand in my final assignment for the semester and I had already done one of my exams. My next exam isn’t until May 9th.

But then I remembered – I tend to stress subconsciously and about the littlest, most inconsequential things.

I worry about how well I’m doing at uni. I worry about pulling my weight at home. I worry about all kinds of things, like being a good daughter, a good friend. I worry about what I cost my parents – although the scholarship for university this semester meant my parents only spent $30 to send me here.

But then there’s all the doctor’s bills they pay for me, all the medication I have to take. The fact that when I go to uni – the entire family goes to uni, because they sometimes come to classes, they share in my stress.

They always tell me how important I am to them, but then I suppose that this is a lot to do with my guilt thing.

I feel guilty about EVERYTHING, even things I don’t need to be guilty about. And I say sorry – a LOT, even if it’s not warranted.

But I do most of this subcnociously – I don’t even realise I do it. So when I’m told to take it easy so that my headaches will go away, I will say I AM taking it easy – any worrying I do is subconsciously and not my fault.

Hmm.

Anyway, onto the amusing thing of the day.

I need to wear my glasses when wandering around uni. I almost ended up in the boys bathroom. Seriously not kidding. My hand was on the door handle.

What a day.

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